


Underneath the Armor

by the_faultlines



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Episode: s03e14-15 The Boiling Rock, and a good hug, emotional mai, mai centric, mai needs some tlc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:01:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26047702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_faultlines/pseuds/the_faultlines
Summary: A take on what happened to Mai post-boiling rock and how she processes with the emotions she's bottled up for so long.
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 71
Collections: Fantastic A:TLA Fanfics!





	Underneath the Armor

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for the ATLA fandom so bear with me folks! I really love Mai and her character and I do feel that she is often misjudged by a lot of people in the fandom so I just wanted to give her some appreciation. She's such a baddie and really just needs a hug y'all. 
> 
> It is pretty angsty but I hope you enjoy!

Mai never expected herself to end up in prison. She was raised in an affluent household that lived off of strict rules, and was brought up to abide by those rules like her life depended on it. Prisoners were seen as the lowest of the low, the filth that plagued nation that had to be kept locked away. Alas, here she was, dressed in filthy prison garb, taking in the sights and sounds of her new depressing environment. Yet, despite her circumstances, she didn’t regret anything that led her to this point. 

Never did she think she would have the courage to betray Azula, as much as she wanted to at some points in her career. She knew of the power she held, the ruthlessness to get whatever she wanted. The princess was a cold, heartless girl who would strike one down the instant they tried defying her, no matter if they were close friends. There was no doubt in Mai’s mind that Azula was going to kill her on that platform if not for Ty Lee's quick actions. 

But even if Ty Lee hadn’t intervened, Mai was ready to give her a good fight, even if it was a futile one. She willed herself to put her life on the line, and she had no one to thank but her jerk of an ex who somehow was able to sneak through the fortified walls of her heart and take over her mind. 

Despite her tough and stoic demeanor, Mai knew she was sensitive at heart. She used her emotionless and cold appearance as armor, a way of protection from any hurt that may come. It had worked for her whole life...until now. 

Zuko was able to break that wall, and she hated him for it. She hated how he found a way to make her smile, to make her feel something other than nothing. She hated how she could feel her armor falling apart around him, revealing her softer, vulnerable self. But most of all, he hated how he could just leave her after breaking down all her walls. 

After he returned to the capital after 3 years of banishment, she did everything in her power to make the prince feel welcomed and at home. But as much as she pressured and pushed him to see the bright sides, she had failed. He left without saying goodbye, nothing but a quickly written note explaining why he had to leave. 

When Zuko left her without explanation, she felt the deep stings of betrayal, the embarrassment of being fooled by someone she thought she could trust. Mai was devastated, feeling used and stupid for opening her most vulnerable self up to him. She began questioning herself, whether she was good enough, where she had gone wrong. When word reached her that he was in her uncle's prison of all places, she did not hesitate to travel there and find some sort of explanation, some closure so that she didn’t have to feel the pain of the unknown anymore. 

And boy, was it a sight to see him there in tattered prison clothes looking like a lost puppy. She had to admit- he somehow managed to even make the dirtiest of rags look good on him. But she wasn’t here to fall for him all over again, she was here for answers.

“I have a duty to my nation, Mai. I had to leave,” he tried to explain.

“Enough about your duty to this nation, Zuko,” she snapped. “What about me? I opened myself up to you, I let you in and all I get is a little note? Not even a spoken goodbye or an apology? What did I do to deserve it?”

“I didn’t want to get you roped into this. It isn’t your fight,” he responded. “And if Azula found out, she would’ve killed you.”

Zuko was far from convincing as he tried to explain to her why he betrayed the fire nation and left her without notice. But his enthusiasm for his “just cause” was so profound, it began planting the seeds of doubt in her brain.

“I found my destiny, Mai,” he explained. “The fire nation is corrupt. I have to work with the avatar to bring my father down, or else the whole world will be thrown into chaos.”

“What do you mean? The fire nation only wants to share their innovation and prosperity with the world. How is that wrong?” 

“It’s a lie, Mai. My father wants to burn down the world and rebuild it in the name of the fire nation. How is that right?”

This was strange news to take in. Why would the fire lord want to destroy everything? What could he gain from the smoldered remains of old cities and villages? Before she could question further, the prison was thrown into a riot, and Zuko was out the door, giving her one last look before running off. 

She was left angry and frustrated, the knife of betrayal embedded deeper in her back. But among the flurry of emotions was conflict. She couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, he was right. Ozai was just as ruthless as Azula, if not more so. If he was capable of burning his own son's face without thought, who was to say he didn't want to burn away what remained of his foes. With this thought in mind, Mai slowly began to understand why Zuko left. She knew he was unhappy before, but now she knew why. It wasn’t because she had failed him. He had a destiny that only he could fulfill, more righteous than her or the entire fire nation. The sake of the world was in his and the Avatar’s hands. 

When guards finally came to free her, Mai did not hesitate to fly out and help aid in their escape. Part of her acted on pettiness, just to prove that she was perfectly capable of picking her own side and didn’t fear the consequences of testing Azula.

But at the forefront of her mind was the traitor of a prince who had broken her heart. Because as much as she hated to admit it, she still loved Zuko. He was dumb, impulsive, and blinded by his destiny. Yet he was also the only person to ever see past her stoic facade and love her for the person she was underneath. He was the only person to infiltrate her heart and flood her senses with something other than boredom and despair. 

Most of all, he was the only person who had a vision that defied the boring, strict regulations of the fire nation that she had grown to hate and the strength to risk it all. She knew he could help bring the change the world needed and would do everything in her power to see that through, even if it meant her love would become unrequited.

Her fears of Azula were nothing compared to her love for him, and that was what gave her the strength to betray her own nation and defy one of the strongest fire benders in the world. Mai had never felt freer in her life than at that moment she took down the first of the guards. She had made her own choice, not influenced by fear, but by her own love and admiration.

The euphoria lasted all too short, as she was quickly thwarted by Azula and taken up and away into the darkest confines of the prison, never to see the light of day. To “rot”, as Azula had put it harshly. 

But she didn’t regret a single second of it. 

  
  
  
  


Quiet as Mai was, she absolutely hated the silence. It gave her time to think, pushing up all the thoughts she had suppressed for so long. And with those thoughts came hidden emotions. 

She was half expecting Zuko to waltz back in, still in those tattered, disgusting prison clothes, but she knew better. Saving the world was at the forefront of his mind, not her. For all he knew, she was dead, blasted away by Azula. Yet, Mai held onto the small hope that maybe, just maybe, he would come back after he defeated his father and Azula, restoring peace to the world with the Avatar.

_ Hope only sets people up for heartbreak,  _ she thought.

What if Azula won? What if she was going to spend the rest of eternity locked away in a cell? The doubts that came quickly plagued her mind. She only wished she could have the same optimism Ty Lee had, but unfortunately, she was dealt the short straw. 

She sat against the wall, her hands braced on the side of her head as she tried to silence the small conniving voices that planted both hope and doubt in her brain, growing more frustrated when they wouldn’t leave. 

She tried distracting herself with physical exercise- pushups, sit ups, fighting imaginary opponents, swinging and throwing imaginary blades. Anything to silence her mind and suppress the bubbling emotions inside of her. When she was tired of exercising, she would pace the room, or trace random doodles on the floor. But no amount of distraction took away her thoughts.

No wonder people became mad in prison. The silence was unbearable. 

Eventually, there was a knock at her door, and two guards were quick to greet her. “Get up. You have a visitor,” one ordered. She was chained by her wrists and ankles and led away to one of the interrogation cells. It was an even more dismal looking room with one small chair in the center, but much roomier and brighter than her dark cell. She was forcefully seated, her wrists cuffed to the armrests, and her ankles cuffed to the legs of the chair.

They must have viewed her as a real threat for the number of precautions they took in keeping her confined. She couldn’t help but feel proud.

A few moments later, the poised figure of her father walked in, flanked by her uncle who still showed remnants of his embarrassment a few days prior. His eyes carried a strong look of disappointment as he looked down on her. Mai’s breath caught in her throat. The last thing she wanted was a confrontation with her father. 

"I heard of your mighty act of bravado earlier, taking down guards with your fancy little knives," he began, closing the distance between them.

“My daughter, a traitor,” Ukano spat, his hands crossed firmly in front of his chest. “I never would’ve thought you would do such a thing. We raised you better than that.”

Mai averted her gaze from her father, instead, focusing on a spot on the floor. Yet she could still feel his steely look of discontent weigh heavy on her shoulders.

“Why did you do it? Did you learn nothing from your mother and I? And what about Tom-Tom? What kind of example do you think you’re giving him?” 

Among Ukano’s flurry of questions, she could only be reminded of her time as a child. The responsibility of her father’s political career was burdened upon her as early as she could remember, and she was taught to maintain the poise and maturity of an affluent young lady. She had to be well-mannered and rule-abiding; showing too much emotion could bring trouble and embarrassment to her father. Quietness was viewed as one of the ultimate signs of respect. 

Because of the strict demands, Mai was never able to act like a child, to play with the other children in the way they played with each other. As soon as she could walk and talk, it became nothing but rules and procedures about how to be a proper fire nation lady. Her own desires and emotions were to be put aside, replaced by an undying loyalty to her nation and the image she had to uphold to keep her father's position.

Mai pressed her lips together, her hands clenched into fists, as she could feel the burning sensation of anger and frustration building up in her throat.

“How could you betray Fire Princess Azula, your very own friend?” her father continued. “How could you betray our nation?”

“Enough!” Mai burst, lunging forward. “I’m tired of hearing about you and Mom, about Azula, and about this stupid nation- I’m sick of it!” 

Her father took a step back in surprise of the sudden outburst. Mai was never one for the dramatics, they both knew that. The sudden show of anger was unsettling. 

Seeing the shock in her father and uncle’s eyes, she quickly collected herself, returning to the poised and stoic demeanor she was raised to have. “This nation is corrupted, father. Even Prince Zuko knows it,” she spoke with a straight and serious tone.

Ukano’s surprised expression was quickly twisted by scorn. “Zuko? The biggest dissapointment of this nation?” he seethed.

Mai’s brow furrowed at the comment, her anger once again boiling. Ukano was quick to connect the dots and rolled his eyes as he realized the root of her betrayal. 

“It’s because you’re in love with Zuko isn’t it?” he laughed. “Pathetic. You let some teenage fling ruin your entire life? I thought you knew better, Mai. You know how emotions can only make things worse.”

“It’s not just a teenage fling,” she muttered, feeling an unfamiliar burning sensation near the corners of her eyes.

“Open up your eyes, child! He left you behind, he betrayed you and our nation. He’s a weak, pathetic excuse of a prince. If he were to take the throne, the fire nation would be in ruins,” he berated. “I thought you were smart, Mai. If you knew what was good for all of us, you should’ve put your childish feelings aside and protected our nation.”

There it was. The moment she so as showed a hint of some emotion, something besides apathy, she was immediately shut down. Mai flinched, knowing the imaginary dam that held her tears back was soon to fail.

“Enough Ukano,” her uncle intervened. “She’s your daughter for Agni’s sake.”

Ukano eyed the warden, tension steaming between the two. Eventually, he gave in, and with a sigh, he turned to face his daughter.

“You’re going to stay here and reflect on what you’ve done. In the meantime, I will see if your uncle and I can reach a deal with Princess Azula,” he spoke, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

He turned to leave but gave one final glance over his shoulder to Mai. “I love you my dear, and I hope this experience will help you come back to your senses.”

She eyed him with scorn, unspoken resentment still prevalent in her features. He shook his head solemnly before exiting the room.

The warden remained, his face falling just slightly as he looked over his niece. “Get her back to her...cell,” he stuttered, never imagining he would be imprisoning his own niece. Mai caught her uncle’s eyes and her face softened, sending a small signal of assurance. 

“And get her some dinner,” he ordered before following Ukano out. 

  
  
  


Mai was led back to her cell, and as they unchained her from her restraints, she couldn’t help but remember her and Zuko’s argument that one night on Ember Island.  It was a meaningless one really. They were both annoyed, her because Zuko showed too much emotion, and Zuko because she showed too little. 

As the door shut, and the light diminished, Mai braced herself against the wall, trying to blink away the stinging tears that began to fall but to no avail. She was angry at her father, frustrated at Zuko, but most of all disappointed with herself and how she was letting her emotions take over. Never would she have let herself get this...  _ weak.  _

In a fit of rage, she slammed her fist into the wall, and when that did nothing to suppress her feelings, she did it a couple more times, even throwing in a few kicks. 

But the pain didn’t go away, the tears didn’t cease. The ever present sting of sadness and frustration still consumed her.

_ So this is what happens when you let your emotions get the best of you huh? _

This was the high Zuko was talking about on the beach that one night, the craziness that he suggested she needed to feel. This was the result. 

She gave up the futile fight, letting herself fall to the floor, exhausted by holding it in for so long. 

And with her face buried in her hands, Mai finally let herself cry.

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen a few fics on what happened with Mai post-boiling rock and I just wanted to add my perspective. I really wanted to try and delve a little deeper in Mai's conflict with her emotions, especially because we see in the show that she expresses so little so I would assume that when the emotions get the best of her, she really doesn't know how to handle it. 
> 
> Also wanted to write a bit on her and her father's relationship because I feel there's a lot of stuff in there that's got to be unpacked.
> 
> In the end Mai really just needs some love and tlc and that's on period.


End file.
